To give and to receive (2)

Jim Putnam picked up my post under this title and developed it. Some comments then developed it further. Find both here: Giving and receiving

What follows is taken from my own comment in response what you will read there ... after posting it, I decided to bring it here and set it up in its own right, with some minor changes to reflect its removal from context.

There is another dimension to gift giving. When someone gives a gift, in the truest sense of the word, they are also giving something else. The gift is only a token, representing a little piece of their love and trust: a piece of their heart.

It is true that a true gift is given without conditions; but with the receipt of a true gift also comes receipt of a knowledge that we now hold that trust and love in our care. What we do with that love and trust is completely and utterly our right to decide - but also our responsibility.

Every parent has a collection of truly hideous objects given as presents uncounted years ago by a child. Why? Not because they value the objects - but because they value the impulse to give them and, beyond that, the love and trust which came with them. The objects are kept for many reasons deriving from that; and one of those reasons is that disposal may bruise the love, the trust, and thus the giver.

It's an interesting coincidence that the word gift means "poison" in German (ONLY a coincidence: our English noun gift derives from the verb "give", which in turn comes from the equivalent German verb "geben"). This coincidence is made more interesting still by the fact than one English meaning (now obsolete) of the word gift used to be "bribe" - which ties it back to a comment made to Jim's post about apparent gift giving all too often being in fact something else: an implicit (or even explicit) transaction.

That last point, incidentally, about gift giving as contract, touches on one of my reasons for disliking designating gift giving occasions. They encourage (no ... stronger than that ... they make inevitable) calculation and transaction rathe than true gift giving. "Joe must've spent $50 on that picture he gave us last year; how can you seriously suggest giving him a $25 shirt?" ... "I send little Rodney a present every year, and never get a thank you letter!" ... "Well, you gave him that $100 box of cigars, and he only gave you a $50 bottle of whisky; I think we ought to cut back a bit next time" ... "We've spent $20 on three presents for Sophie, and only $15 on these two for Jessie ... what else can we buy her for $5?" ... ugh!